I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
