Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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