I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
