I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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