He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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