My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Randomize
