He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
