three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
