Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
