But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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