Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Dignity is for republicans.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
