My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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