Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
