No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
