Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
