Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
