i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
