she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
