Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We were destined to go to rehab together
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
