1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
birth control should be required to get into college
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
