We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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