this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
