He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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