Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
