my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
