Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
smell my finger.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize