then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
