he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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