I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
