Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
