Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
