You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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