If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
