She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
