New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
