New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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