An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
