I wish they made helmets for livers.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
