You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
