i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
