yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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