You're my little dorito
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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