the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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