I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
