I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
