ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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