ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
