Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
