dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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