You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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