He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize