do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Quick, to the slutcave!
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
