Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
should my penis look like a turkey
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
