but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
