fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
