You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
