I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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