Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
