I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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