We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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