My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
