accomplished twins. life is a go
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize